The Hello Experiment

Morning 'til night, I had one goal yesterday:

To determine if I smiled and said “hello” to random strangers, would they smile and greet me in return.

Most days I naturally randomly say “Hi” to people, sometimes engaging them in conversations & if approached by them I too will respond.  

So, the only difference yesterday brought was to deliberately pay attention to people's responses.

I have broken this down into two sections for easier digestion.  

If you don’t like details, skip the background section to the “Hello” Experiment section below where I discuss people’s reactions yesterday.

Background:

The first 30 years of my life, I lived in or near the city; a place where the neighbors on your immediate street were tightly bonded.

However, when outside of their neighborhood, the tendency of residents on the streets was to avert eye contact unless absolutely necessary.  

This was both a safety measure and a practical matter as there were too many people to meet & greet on a given day. 

As I became established, I felt the need to leave my beloved city for a quieter life.  The immediate surrounding suburbs were not my style so I moved far outside of the city limits to a somewhat affluent town, population 25,000; a Midwest town resembling New England with quint 1800’s buildings and a gazebo in the center of the town square.  Prior to moving here, we frequently visited the shops along the town’s main street and we were amazed by the friendliness of the people. 

In the first five years of living here, the town experienced a building boom with numerous housing developments, expanded shopping districts including a Super Wal-Mart and a new country club (to compliment the other two clubs) erected. 

During this strong economy, the demographics of my small town were rapidly changing.  It was not uncommon for people to move in and out within one year due to job transfers.    

My town was now intermixed with life-long residents, transplants and transients. 

The economic crash of 2007/2008 further changed the dynamics of my town as many families lost their savings, jobs or houses.  Neighbors disappeared overnight as moving trucks transported their belongings to an unknown destination.  They were too ashamed to say good bye, even though most would have understood their circumstances.

People were starting to draw inward either because of their own circumstances or they were afraid to inquire of others setting off a sensitive subject in their lives.

The “Hello” Experiment

As I conduct my “Hello” experiment, the economy is comparatively better than 2007/2008 and residents are more secure in their jobs and homes.  However, there is a lasting impact of these changes over time.   

My first interactions were at the local grocery store.  Here I found a mix of young and old people.  As I browsed the aisles, I smiled and said “good morning’ to each person I met and very few returned my greeting.  Perhaps it was too early in the morning or they were in a hurry to get on with their day.    

I do not take these responses personally.  All my life, I have been a people magnet so I know it is not me.  I am usually the type that random strangers choose to tell their life stories so I am not offended by these behaviors.

I am fairly resilient and, in a strange way, the lack of responses strengthened my resolve to find friendlier people.  

  

My next stop was the local park.      

Here, my preschool son demanded that I actually play soccer with him – no longer is it good enough for this Mom to merely throw the ball to him, I must run (“faster Mom”) down the field, block and play goalie all at once.  This led to most of our interactions being from the sidelines of our soccer game as people stopped by to observe the spectacle (I am a former basketball player & dribbling with my hands versus my feet, I am lucky to stay upright doing the latter). 

Each time, I would wave and say hello.  Interesting, most times, I was greeted with a wave with no verbal response in return.  Possibly, this is due to not being in close proximity to the other person.  Of course, enter the adorable kid factor when on several occasions my ultra-cute, outgoing son said “hello” and we easily passed hello to engage in conversations with random passersby.
 

Overall, the park was a much friendlier experience and I wonder is this due to the type of people attracted to nature & the outdoors?

The final stop on my “Hello” tour was my daughter’s elementary school.  Yesterday, was parent/teacher conference meetings so there was a mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces. 

All familiar faces of course returned my smile & our conversations extended my stay long past the 15 minute one on one conversation with the teacher. 

The not so familiar faces mostly ignored me or grunted a return greeting.  I attribute this to the nature of the evening ~ most people are rushed coming off a long work day and cannot be troubled to take the time to say a proper “Hello”.

Conclusion:

People’s reactions are primarily driven by time, place or circumstance.  People in a more open and relaxed setting such as the park tended to be more friendly; while people in a hurry did not have time for the small nicety of "Hello".

Overall, I believe my experiment was successful.  

Many returned my smile and this strengthened my faith in humanity.

 

It is not always easy, but I will keep on smiling and saying “Hello”.  

My day is always brightened by a warm greeting & I always hope to warm others with my friendliness. 


An appropriate song: "Hello" by The Beloved